Not a day goes by that I don’t think of you
When you left, I was ten
You took me with you
I fell into deep depression
Every day I thought about you. Your laugh, voice, and your bear hugs
I remember going to work with you and to the beach on summer days. I remember your smell, your smile.
I remember how red your eyes were after a long day at work in construction. I remember that you could not do anything without drinking, on a daily basis.
I thought, “Why did you walk out completely, without a goodbye note, a letter, a call?”
Were you ashamed that you couldn’t provide for my mom, sister, brother and me?
How could you leave three kids behind? Daisy, the oldest, Andrew, the middle child, and me, your baby.
How do you live with yourself?
Do you miss me like I have missed you?
I went through hell growing up always changing schools as we moved. It was hard to make new friends.
Most importantly always leaving you.
I used to tell you how my day went and how I was feeling.
You were my best friend.
My mom says I shouldn’t be sad over you.
She says you don’t deserve my tears.
I tried calling you every day to figure out what went wrong, but you never answered.
In 2013 I went to San Francisco to see you after Thanksgiving. I was 16 years old. You acted so cold towards me.
How could you front with a Grinch smile, ear to ear, and your children balling their eyes out with tears?
I did this so that you know I’ve never stopped crying.
