Spoon-ful of Wisom welcomes questions from those who know someone in prison and wish to communicate with that person in the best way possible. Do you have questions about how incarceration is affecting your loved ones? What you might expect when you visit? Or anything else…ask Spoon Jackson by writing to This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.
To read more about Spoon, please visit his website and blog The Realness Network
Spoon:
Just recently I heard from a niece for the first time. She lives in Las Vegas. She had just turned 18. She said she had been reading my poetry online and loved it and longed to meet me before she goes off to college in the deep south. I would love to be there with my family and friends, doing all the things I long to do.
I helped raise and become family with more than one group of geese, and helped raise the goslings near the C-Yard at New Folsom. No gosling sat for the parent Canadian geese as they went off down the hill to the little pool I created. I saw the world through their eyes a1nd lives. Even when they flew away from the small yard for the last time. I was blessed. They are free, soaring, doing things I would like to do as a human.
At Night I Fly, the movie
Where I Am From, A Spoon Jackson Poem
Where I am from the dry river
bottom sands are speckled
with gold dust,
and the sun flows like
orange sherbet
and the moonlight warms
my path.
Where I am from cottontail rabbits
and jackrabbits play tag
and coyotes don't always
eat the prairie dogs.
Where I am from Blacks
railroad bridge runs heavy
across the dry river
I lie under it at noon as
trains pass and watch shadows
merge into art.
Where I am from
I keep alive in my heart
and soul and I go
there
whenever I need hope
to keep going.
Letter to POPS the Club
You cannot make up for missed or lost time by trying to buy someone’s love and make up for not being around. It is like trying to bottle up a star or a sunset. But a letter, artwork, a phone call, a long conversation or even one word or a few words, spoken out of realness can be uplifting, life changing and inspiring.
POPS’ connection with family, youngers, friends and other loved ones can be invaluable. POPS is a creative force of dance, art, thinkers, singers, poets and writers. People who create and walk in their own shoes unmasked—dreamers and do-ers.
I think the POPS club is the start of something big, novel and real. POPS absolutely fills a void in the communities many of us come from. So many many people, young folks in particular, in so many many neighborhoods stricken with the disadvantage of having parents, other family and friends who are incarcerated—stuck on an unbending road.
Pain of the Prison System affects millions in California and millions across the USA and the world. By coming together as a realness community, POPS turns the disadvantage into an advantage of growth, art, truth, wisdom and understanding. POPS turns the negative around by creating realness, a deep flow and a road towards communication. It eases the pain of distance and also the pain of loved ones not in physical prison but bound by walls, bars and electric fences all the same—structures that keep family away from family, friends away from friends, indeed human beings away from human beings.
POPS fills that void in our communities by creating a way to stay in touch despite the bars and walls that seek to encase us spiritually, mentally and soulfully. We all make mistakes, and the key is to strive, stretch and grow from them in positive ways.
POPS is and can fill that void created by the prison system to break up and keep families apart with realness. A connection shining love, light, creativity, and intelligence beyond and through walls and fences that block us as kids, parents, brothers, sisters, friends. POPS can grow to bring millions together and make a lasting difference on so many levels—connecting students, teachers, artists and educators. We are all students and teachers in life.
POPS is here now, so don’t wait for a better day, a better time or a better moment because the moment is now and ripe for growth, for connections and for enlightenment. POPS’ realness breaks the shame and silences with support, wisdom and common ground.
What do I think about POPS? We will make the Pain of the Prison System less painful with POPS full of connections and wisdom—POPS full of love and vision. I am honored, humbled and proud of be part of POPS on the ground-breaking level.
QUESTIONS
If you knew the pain of being locked up, would you have done what you did?
I like to believe if I could have done things differently and not taken a life but still had the pain of prison life, I would have preferred that. I want never to have taken a life and to have grown from some other kind of pain because life has many kinds of pain and prisons from which to grow.
What is the scariest thing you have ever had to face while being in prison?
The scariest part of prison is the racism by prison staff and administration and the racism and riots I have experienced. The most personal scary thing is facing myself and being myself and continuously growing and being real.
What made you become a poet?
My studies and growth struggles made me become a poet because I had no real concept of being or becoming a poet. My study of philosophy led me to becoming a poet. They allowed a huge part of me to be free, and still do.
A three-part question: What is your daily routine? What time do you get up and what do ou have in mind when you get up? What do you think of when you go to sleep?
I usually get up around 4 a.m., do a little exercise and get ready for work and breakfast. I work as a porter and clean up the cell block. First, I clean the shower and then go off to breakfast after I greet the dogs we help train in this building. When I go to breakfast, I collect bread for my raven, sparrow and blackbird friends. When I get back I finish my clean-up duties. I then run up the stairs for exercise, and shower and do some reading and writing in the cell and perhaps watch a little TV and hang out with the dogs when the prisoner dog trainers are not being stranger.
On weekends even though they are my off days I still work but only clean the shower and then shower and take my CD player radio and my Native flute and go out and play the flute, and the ravens, sparrows and blackbirds and pigeons come and listen. When they walk the dogs, a couple of the dogs lower their heads and listen to me play. Some guards and free staff and prisoners think it's the radio playing until they notice me behidn the big light pole.
I often cook my own food I get from packages and the store because the food they provide from the state neither buzzards nor maggots could eat!
At dusk when in the cell I do more reading, writing, drawing and pondering. I make phone calls now and then.
I think of freedom, peace, projects, women, love, and sometimes nothing before I go to sleep.
Do you have a family? If so, how do you keep in contact with them?
I have a family, and mainly right now my brother Abe keeps in contact, and I call family and friends over the phone and talk to them through letters. I believe I have family all over the world. POPS is my family as well.
How does it feel to know that you can die in prison? And are you actually treated like an animal?
Yes, sometimes we are treated and caged and beaten and even killed like animals by prison staff, the system and by each other and by society not keeping an eye on its out-of-control prison system. We treat each other like animals at times, even in the free world in the prisons out there. Police and gang violence--government and judicial indifference.
Yes, I am aware I could die in prison, and therefore I live right now and in the moment.
A three-part question: If you could change one thing you've done in our life, what would you change? If you could go back in time, would you? Do you feel this was your fate?
I would change the loss if I could go back in time, and I would pay more attention in school and in life in general. Yes, I would go back to fix things and make things better for all if I could.
I feel I am where I am supposed to be at the moment. Fate, perhaps, but for sure this is my ourney, and I have the power to make it better and real. I believe it was my destiny to be a poet/artist and activist for human rights and to fight for Mother Earth.
What makes you keep going through hard times?
Love, peace, and nature and the arts fuel my heart and soul! I want to be of service to people and share realness and art and hopefully inspire people away from the bullshit of life. I want to inspire folks to walk in their own shoes no matter the color of their skin or their gender. I truly believe in one people, earth people, and one planet.
How's prison? Because in high school everyone, I think, overthinks it.
Prison do suck! The conditions are awful and the onl freedom you have and can develop is inside yourself and during sleep. The food andd deprivation are not cool, and being treated as an inanimate object is not cool. Not being able to share yourself and life with loved ones is not cool. There are no cool points about being in prison.
From Spoon: The prison mail system slows down dramatically during the holiday season. I am only now in January getting my mail from the holiday--Christmas cards and all. Over the years I've learned to keep pushing and working hard. Now, to answer your questions. Never stop asking questions in life.
What would be the ifrst thing you'd do if you were no longer in prison?
Spoon: I would gather up some food and my native flute and go sit under a bridge, a tree, and then a sand dune, and I would play my flute and hope my bird friends anywhere on Mother Earth where I am playing would come join me. I would sit long and enjoy nature's silence and take in deep breaths.
Question: Does being asked a lot of questions, like the ones we send to you, bother you?
No, I welcome questions and look forward to answering your questions. They help me stretch and grow in so many ways. Always question--I hope you enjoy this poem:
QUESTION
Education is like a friendship
You treat it with respect
Love and passion
It prospers
Never let a question
Burning
In your soul
Lie unwatered
It's like an apple tree
That keeps
Its secret
That it's a rose
Never let hatred
Get in the way
Of your loving
Never let politics
Get in the way
Of your dreaming
Never let walls
Get in the way
Of your freedom
Or your education
Never let a foul
Word spoken to you
Out of fear
Dampen your spirit
Mark Twain
Said it best...
"Never let schooling
Get in the way
Of your education"
But like a thirsty
Desert
Keep your
Heart open
To that mentor
That educator
Reaching across
That Darkness
Question: What do you do to pass the time?
Right now I read and/or write a lot. I play my native American flute and watch sports and movies on TV now and then. I call on the phone sometimes, doing interviews. I started a poetry class, and I'll see how it will progress. I write letters, blogs and articles--poems, of course. I hope to get started on a longer writing journey, a novel, a collection of short story/essays or a play of some kind.
Question: What is the worst thing about prison?
There are so many worst things about being in prison. Missing my family and never seeing my nieces and nephews grow up. Not being able to go to my parents' funerals. The food is horrible, the cells small and truly are cages, and they stink no matter how much you wash or clean. The lockdowns are like being locked in a stall in a dirty park or rest stop bathroom for 6, 7, 9 months--sometimes up to a year. Not being allowed to be around friends and family and others you want to be around. Always having a gun above your head. Never being allowed to truly be with a girlfriend or wife--not allowed to hold hands or walk to the park. This poem says a lot:
Cave
Standing in this cave
looking out this crack
Of a window
Hoping there will be
an angle
A path for the sun
to blink in through
the tiny slit
in this hulk of stone
This place where
they do not believe in trees
as though they're evil
spirits
There are none here
no bluebirds singing
no crickets fiddling
only unnecessary chatter
Nothing
Even the sky's diluted
by illusions of power
The wind carries the sounds
that are refused to be
heard
The whips and whispers
of the night
cannot understand this
apathy against trees
I long to go
to a rich flowing meadow
where flowers bloom
with retribution
Okay, the very worst thing about prison is that the families suffer and are in prison too--shunned and ostracized sometimes. It is about the living pain I have caused my loved ones and family on the streets. The worst thing is not being able to go back and erase the pain and tears I caused people who loved me and the people I hurt. The worst thing now still is the pain of the prison system--living pain of the young folks who have family in prison. There is nothing naturally loving or forgiving about prisons. The people whose loved ones are incarcerated must figure out a way to be beyond the walls and love--natural love.
Question: How often do you go outside?
Well, here on this Honor Yard (at Lancaster) we can go outside from 9:00 until 3:15 p.m. and then at night from 6:30 to 8:00 every other day (to read more about Honor Yard, please visit The Other Death Penalty Project).
Question: What are your regrets now, and what were your hopes before you went to prison?
My regret is of course the loss of life and the hurt and pain I caused my family and my victim’s family and the pain I caused Mother Earth and the universe. I regret the last time I ever saw my mom and other family members were the late ‘70s and late ‘80s. I regret not being there for my mom and other family members, friends and even foes in their dark times. Often I think I could inspire people through realness, love and showing people they can channel their darkness into light.
Well, my only hope before prison was to join the Marines. I didn’t really have any dreams and hopes before incarceration because I was a lost youth in need of a guiding light like Amy and Dennis and Judith provide for young folks now. I never had access to any teacher, mentor or writer to believe in me or shine some light, realness or kind words. If people only knew that a kind word or some small interest in a youth could positively influence a kid to do great things and find, create and believe in him or herself. Hope is a rainbow of light that can only be realized by people sharing light.
Question: Are the people rude/rough in there?
Well, yes, at times people are rude/rough like they are anywhere, even on the streets. I am sometimes rude and rough, and I apologize when I can. We (all of us) can be rude and rough when we are not glowing and growing and working on ourselves enough--to make each moment cool.
Question: Is it easy to make friends inside?
Sometimes, but as on the streets, we must trust, and often our gut can lead us to know if we have met a true and real friend or if we have not. A friendship can happen instantly sometimes and other times it can take time> most of my friends are far away in Sweden. I like making friends in the USA as well. In prison you are forced to be around people you probably would not choose to be around or befriend in the free world--not that all of the people are bad, just that we are all forced to be together in a small area like an overcrowded mouse or lizard acquarium. There are some cool people as well in prison, and we all walk one foot in negative and one in positive, and we must blend that energy into something real and trust that we don't hurt or infringe on other human beings, that we don't keep them from growing and being who they are.
Question: Is there a class that you take?
There are classes here on many subjects, but none I've seen on creating prison friendships. There are some self-help programs here, and a few good ones. Some, however, are just for show and for this prison to get money from the State rather than existing to actually help prisoners.
Question: What's the worst thing you've experienced in prison?
The long lockdowns, riots and racism. The food, lack of visits and loneliness. The overcrowding and lack of silence.
Question: Do you get emotional in there?
Well, yes, when I see a light come on in one of my writing students. When I get letters from friends and when family or friends die on the streets and especially those I haven't seen since the late 1970s. I get emotional when I read a good poem or a book or hear a great song or play my flute.
Question: How do you cope with your feelings?
I sublimate my negative feelings into art and positive feelings and energy. I cope by expressing my feelings in poetry, song and other writing projects. I cope by writing letters which can be an art form as well. I discuss my feelings in my letters and phone calls and by playing my flute.
Question: What is the food like in prison?
It is actually horrible 99 percent of the time. So I live off Top Ramen soups, fish, rice and stuff we can get in packages or from the prison store. Actually they offer animals better food in the zoo than we are given here. So the best meal would be eggs on Sunday. On chicken thigh every blue moon.
Question: Do you have any regrets about the ation that got you where you are?
Yes, I regret totally teh loss of life, and I do what I can by walking in peace and realness to make things better.
Question: Did you finish high school? Can you tell me about your education?
Yes, I finished high school, but I had to attend continuation high school because I had gotten kicked out of regular high school. My education on the streets was little to none and I fault myself for not putting in more effort. I have learned that the secret to success anywhere is hard work and gaining or creating enlightenment from my mistakes. For a more detailed view of my education, please check out my book By Heart--the memoir I wrote with my mentor, Judith Tannenbaum. [editor's note: this book is available in our POPS Library, and is a vital part of that collection]
Question: What was your passion before you went to prison? What is it now?
My passion before prison was going off alone along the dry river to ponder things. I was still young and did not know my true niche and passion back then. Since prison my passion has been the artist in me, my poetry, prose, teaching and acting. My newest passion I discovered a few years ago is playing the Native American flute and people often say I should be recorded. Playing the flute connects me to a flow in Mother Earth. I have been playing my flute more in front of people. Native Americans have asked me to start a flute class. I am open like the sky to new positive passions and growth. My passion keeps growing and transforming, bringing out more realness.
Question: Do you guys have a movie night or anything creative?
No movie night here. They show movie videos on the TV. We must be creative in our own ways here.
Question: Are you able to exercise or play any sports or games?
Yes, I do bar work--push ups, pull ups, and back of arms and I walk. I'll jog again in the future. There are basketball, soccer, and softball games played here. Plus people like to play chess, handball and cards.
Question: Do you have any special privileges?
No, not any special privileges because they took family visits away from Lifers.
Question: How does the trading system work among the inmates?
We trade food, CDs, stamps, books and knowledge.
Question: Will you share some words of wisdom?
Spoon writes: Keep walking in your own shoes and keep uncovering more and more of yourself. Channel your positive and negative energy into light and growth. Trust your inner flow.
Question: Do you read a lot?
Spoon writes: Sometimes I read a lot, especially on lockdown. I like to read something every day. I believe reading expands us and opens us up to more of ourselves. When I am not reading a lot, I'm usually writing. Sometimes I'm inspired by what I've read. Reading opens us up to all kinds of things inside ourselves that we did not know was there.
Reading really does expand our imagination, our minds, hearts, spirits and soul horizons. Sometimes reading seems like magic when something you've never pondered before pops into your consciousness. This helps me to understand concepts and flows I never knew were there. Reading frees me to travel to many places, past, present and future and through many dimensions even though my body stays put. Reading helps me to clarify thoughts, vibes, feelings and also my writing. Reading truly does introduce me to more of myself.
Question: What sort of books do you recommend high school students read?
Spoon writes: I think reading classical literature is important because it opens us up to our classical selves with its deep and rich descriptive language. I recommend classic books from all ethnic groups--fiction, nonfiction and poetry. I'd like to say read my poetry book Longer Ago and my memoir By Heart and also Amy's book, Desperado's Wife. Also, whatever subject you are most interested in, read those books. Read what puts a smile in your heart and energy in your spirit.
Question: How did you get involved with POPS?
Amy contacted me through my mentor, Judith Tannenbaum, and spoke of her interest in my participation in POPStheclub. So my friend and fellow writer, teaching artist Amy Friedman asked if I would like to share a column called Spoonful of Wisdom, a column sharing realness as part of POPS work with young people, fellow artists and interested others. The title of my column had me instantly hooked. I knew the Q&A could be the art of realness and could perhaps help people come together and grow at the same time. So it was an honor to be asked to be part of POPS and at the ground-breaking level--wisdom coming from POPS inside and out, not only from behind physical prison walls but behind prison walls anywhere that block us, mentally, heartfully, spiritually and soulfully, anything that hinders our imagination.
Again, I knew from what Amy and Dennis and others at ground level had proposed that POPS can and does fill a void created by this massive prison system in California. A system set up with injustices to keep a pipeline of the poor, uneducated people from ghettos and barrios going straight to prisons.
Question: I am going to visit my dad in prison for the first time in eleven years. Is there anything I should know or specifically prepare for?
Spoon writes: Your dad will be blessed and beyond happy to see you--it will be like paradise on earth for him, and his smiles and laughter will be endless, like a long sunset. The visiting room is a special, sacred place for us--a place of honor full of love and family. Your dad will be overcome with joy and pride and will make every moment count and real. Just be yourself so that he can appreciate you for that splendid person you are. Sure you will be nervous, coming into this environment for the first time, but it will melt into love and realness--each moment will unfold into realness!
Be ready for a hug!
Question: My godfather has been away in prison since I was three years old. I want to try to make his life better. Is there anything I can do?
Spoon writes: Yes! Just be yourself and stay in touch with him by mail. Mail is like getting Christmas presents. Also, grow and be and do the best you can with your life. That will also make your godfather's life better. Letters to those of us in prison are like cold water on a hot day. Letters from a loved one inspire us and help keep us flowing and believing in things beyond prison--things like love, peace and realness. Your letters will inspire your godfather to do better and not feel abandoned. He will share his belief and faith in you. As long as he has your love, faith and realness in his life, he won't feel so abandoned.
Question: If you could do anything in life, what would it be? What do you miss most?
Spoon writes: If I could do anything I like, I would love to go outside and soak in nature. I travel in my mind's eye and try to live each moment growing and creating in positive ways.
What I miss most? I miss homecooked meals and hanging out with family on holidays. I miss school--not continuing my education while still on the streets. I miss all I could have learned, the opportunity to go onto college. I miss my mom and even my dad, but especially my mom who we think will be around forever.
I miss the pure smells of Mother Eart--uncut by prison funk. I miss wildflowers, cottontail rabbits and soft riverbottom sands. I miss dark desert nights where I can see all the stars and feel as if I'm looking forever. I miss smiling and hugs--getting smiles and hugs for no reason at all.
Stay real...Spoon
Question: My brother is in jail and I haven't seen him in five months, and we were really close. I miss him a lot but when I see him in court I cry and scream for him to be free. I wonder how it feels to see your family after a long time.
Spoon writes: Seeing your family after a long time feels like a reunion. I feel like I can rest and realx. I feel like I can just let go and be myself. I have some friends like that, too, especially friends from Sweden who are like family and the love is real. No masks on, no pretense--no trying to keep up with the Joneses. It feels like I can eat and enjoy all the good food and be a little messy!
Question: What's on your mind?
Spoon writes on 9-13-2013: What's on my mind today is this: Wondering why should I apply to get my sentence commuted when no one's ever had a LWOP sentence commuted. I have also been pondering poems and visits and writing down my toughts and feelings in a blog about LWOP means LWOP (Life Without Parole). I also sat down on the yard and pondered the sparrows, ravens and pigeons. Stay real!
Question: How does it feel to be in prison? If you don't mind my asking, what did you do, and when will you get out. And when you do get out, what will you do with your life?
Spoon writes: How does it feel to be in prison? It feels sad and frustrating at times, and lonely. I try to live in the moment, so when I get a letter or visit, I feel happy and free of prison. When I read a book or write an essay, poem, song or blog, or when I listen to music or play my flute, I feel free except for my body. I feel inspired when I connect with real people from the heart and soul.
When will I get out? I don't know. I've been down 36 years. I like to think I only eat and sleep here.
What did I do? I killed someone in 1977.
When I get out? I would love to travel, do poetry and workshops and figure out some kind of way to make a living through my work. I'd like to work with young folk, inspiring them to be their best and not to come to jail. Stay real!
